It’s so strange.
All of these people I used to know followed my blog before I deleted it. Now, I have only two followers, and while there’s a sense of boredom knowing that I’m practically blogging to myself — there’s an unfamiliar tinge of freedom I am discovering. At this point, I could literally say whatever the fuck I want. Anything at all! So sad to think that one could be completely naked before a stranger, but feel most judged when being watched by someone close.
I have’t written anything in a long while. These little posts will probably be just to…vomit out all of these words that are bouncing around inside of my head. I’m at that point somewhere in between, “I haven’t written anything formally in a while so I’ve forgotten how to spell” and “What’s a topic? And how do I stick to one?”
Besides my issues with diffusing my ongoing writers block, I’m revising my entire life plan. To think I even had a life plan. And it already exploded in my face before it even begun, go figure. How do I create a life for myself that I can love? Aren’t the lives people loves the ones uncharted? I’ve always pictured leaving high school and going straight into college, studying writing, and then getting a job at some edgy magazine or what have you. My preferable image was writing a few best sellers and then never having to life a finger, or work a real “job”. Just sit inside and write at my leisure, then going on ridiculous adventures. Now I’m taking a year off of school. I’m moving out of Florida, and going to New York with my best friend where we’ll start over from scratch in the big city. I’m hoping to go to beauty school and study make up artistry, actually, I’m hoping to try so many new things and finding new interests. I think this year will be a very good learning experience. God, here it is, word vomit. I’m just gabbing on about myself, quite sure that nobody at all will stumble across this. But isn’t that the beauty of the whole thing? Here I am worrying - and nobody knows. Here I am, and nobody knows.